who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
