According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
