Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
