you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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