Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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