My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
