Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
