Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
