You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
