I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
