I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
