You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
