so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
