Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
