chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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