True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
