I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
