What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize