What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
