Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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