there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
