you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
