ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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