Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize