there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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