Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
