so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
