I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My ass is underappreciated
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
