u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no you cant smoke seaweed
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
