Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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