Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
