he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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