...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
