Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize