it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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