i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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