4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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