her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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