Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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