gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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