Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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