Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
