I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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