It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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