is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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