Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
