Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize