she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
