Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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