are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
