Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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