Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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