i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
