My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize