why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
