I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
