I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
