maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize