Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
