Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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