so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
