I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
