I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
