I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
