And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
