I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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