How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
