No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
