Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
