I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I touched a dick in church today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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