I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
