sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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