Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
