I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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