your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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