I need help removing her.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
