Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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