...so i touched it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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