i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
