I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's the barista slut.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
