Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize