yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
