They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
