There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize