fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If that was your dad, he is hot
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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