Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize