one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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