Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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