Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this hospital has no fireball
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
