Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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