mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
