sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
