I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
