did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
