I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
