I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
