Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's even glitter on my cock...
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