No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
