I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
