I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
