Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my poor anus
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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