I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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