Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
