i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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