I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
