Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
