I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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