doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize