I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
