I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
