I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
