I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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