Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
