you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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