I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
