He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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