hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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