i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
