Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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