i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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