If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pants are for mortals
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
